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The Everyday Trainer Podcast
The Everyday Trainer Podcast
Calm minds, calm dogs: How our state of mind can influence our dog training
Ever wondered how your state of mind can transform your dog training outcomes? I recount my personal story of working with anxious and reactive dogs, and how their behavior mirrored the emotions around them.
Let's dive into the benefits of mindfulness and meditation for managing stress and anxiety, both in humans and dogs. Inspired by Dan Harris' journey, I delve into breath-focused meditation and its impact on mental well-being. Through personal anecdotes, I highlight how maintaining a calm and confident demeanor can help your dog feel more secure.
You know the drill, grab a tasty drink and enjoy.
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Hello and welcome back to the Everyday Trainer podcast. My name is Meg and I am a dog trainer. On today's episode, we are talking about state of mind. I know it's something that I talk about a lot If you've listened to previous episodes. I talk about state of mind in dog training all the time and how it impacts our dog's. You know well-being, their state of mind, their quality of life, but I just want to touch on it a little bit more. I've had some real life experiences recently that have reminded me of this importance. So you know the drill grab yourself a tasty drink and meet me back here. All right, guys, welcome back. So happy to be here. As always, my tasty drink of choice today is coffee.
Speaker 1:We are once again recording this one in the morning. I found that that one that, like recording in the morning, is more kind of like my groove. There was a point where I was like staying up super, super late to record the podcast, literally like 3 am. I would be like falling asleep in my van as I was recording, and then I would be like editing and then like falling asleep while I was like listening to it as it was uploading, just so that I could get the podcast to you guys Friday morning, like that's how crazy I am, which also kind of brings us into the topic for today, which is the importance of state of mind. So I'm obviously in a much better place when recording the episode in the morning and I'm not like rushed to get it to you, versus staying up until like 3 am, like you know, cracked out on caffeine, just to get a podcast out in the morning at a certain time. You know like we got to take care of ourselves.
Speaker 1:So recently I've had quite a few like anxious dogs, quite a few reactive dogs. I think if you are a dog trainer, this is a majority of the dogs that we work with. There's nothing that will have somebody calling a dog trainer. Quite like reactivity or, you know, anxiety when you try to leave your house your dog like loses its mind. They will try to like destroy things, destroy the inside of the crate, hurt themselves, break out of the crate, destroy things, destroy the inside of the crate, hurt themselves, break out of the crate, chew the plastic tray at the bottom of the crate. You know like the whole nine yards. That's really what I'm seeing with a lot of the dogs that we're working with is that severe of I don't even like saying like separation anxiety, because I don't really think that it's the separation. I think it comes down to just the dog's general state of being. So I want to chat about that anxiety in dogs and how our state of mind really plays an impact into that. So, just to keep you guys updated, we are starting our virtual shadow program next Monday, so today is Friday If you're listening to this. The day that it comes out today is our last day for you to join our virtual shadow program. This program is really just designed for people to grow their dog training businesses.
Speaker 1:So when I was first starting off, I remember I was looking into everything. I looked into all of these online programs. I looked at in-person shadow programs. Like I just couldn't find anything that really like aligned with the type of dog training that I wanted to do but also touched on the business side of things Like, yes, I want to learn how to train dogs, but training dogs is so much more than just training dogs. It's also how to run a business and I worked with a marketing company for a while, so I did a lot of calls with people and in those calls I would do a lot of consulting.
Speaker 1:So I would talk with people about where they were at in their business, what sort of systems they had.
Speaker 1:Did they have intake systems?
Speaker 1:Did they have workflows?
Speaker 1:Did they have, you know, email templates and automations? And people in sales Like, what were their systems as far as running the business goes? And a lot of dog trainers really, really struggle with that because I think so many of us are good at the training side of things and then you realize like, oh, I'm a dog trainer but also I have to wear all of these other business owner hats. So you do have to have a really good understanding of sales and systems and you know understanding how to set up a CRM and how to communicate with clients and what sort of resources to give them, how to schedule things. There's so much more to dog training than just training the dog, so I really wanted to put together a program that emphasized that.
Speaker 1:So essentially everything that I've learned in my business I have put into a three-week long course. So the first week we cover all things, dog training. Week two, we kind of put it all together. So how to structure a training program, whether you want to do lessons or a board and train. And then week three, we touch on all of the business stuff how to register an LLC, what is Google my Business, what's the role of social media in our business, what sort of things need to be on our website All of the things that I found myself coaching other dog trainers on. I've put in a course and I walk you through everything. So we do weekly live training sessions, we do weekly group calls and we do a private one-on-one by the end of the program so that I can really sit down with you and we can come up with a game plan of okay, what are our next steps? This is where you're at in your business now. What are our goals? How are we going to get you there?
Speaker 1:So I am very proud of this program. I'm not going to lie. It's one of those things that I was like I'm just going to do it and I didn't overthink it too much and it turned out to be so much fun while I was doing it I was like this is, this is what I'm meant to do, like I love it, and it brought that like joy back that I think I was kind of missing. Um, I love training dogs, but after a while it gets very repetitive and you kind of feel like you're doing the same thing over and over again. And I'm just the type of person that, like I like new projects, I like working with people and I absolutely adore working with other trainers like that is, that is my life's purpose. I love you guys, I love coaching you guys, I love talking to you guys, like I love talking about the future and big ideas and how we can get you there. Like that is literally my favorite thing ever. So I get to do that starting next week on Monday and I'm so excited, like genuinely. So, if you join the program, just know I'm super pumped. Okay, I've been, like you know, itching over here to get started. So that's what we've got going on.
Speaker 1:On Monday in August, august 10th and 11 here in Orlando, I am hosting a seminar. So seminar is going to be at Beyond the Leash, just a dog training facility here in Orlando. They have graciously hosted me in their space and I am so excited. So this is really going to be my first time hosting a dog training seminar and it's going to be all about behavioral mod. If you have a behavioral dog, you can get a working spot and bring your dog with you and I'll work with you in front of everybody. So if you don't have a dog that you want to bring, you get to see how I work through behavioral problems in dogs. So the first day we're going to touch a lot on the basics, my communication systems. I'll walk you guys through how I teach our communication systems and then the following day we'll kind of problem solve and work through behavioral issues.
Speaker 1:I haven't been to too many dog training seminars in my day, but one thing that I have noticed when I have gone to them is that it can feel kind of stuffy, like it feels a little I don't know. I just want to put like a girly touch to it. Like we're going to have snacks and hang out and we're going to have breaks, like I am not a person who can just like sit and listen to somebody talk all day long Like oh my gosh, I will be running out of the building. So we're going to have little sections throughout the day and you know we're going to make it fun. So it's just going to be a great opportunity to meet other dog owners, other trainers who are interested in learning more and, you know, showing up in a room full of passionate people. So I'm super pumped about that. And then, so that is August 10th and 11th.
Speaker 1:After that, on August 15th, I am going to Costa Rica for three weeks, which is kind of wild, because there's something else that's happening on August 15th. So, if you don't know, toma is my partner. He's been here since February and we are actually in the process of trying to get him a green card and it is not an easy process. I love him very much and I really don't want him to have to leave the country, and the thing that happens with Canadians is that they can only stay here for six months. So on August 15th, that kind of marks like the last day that Toma can be here. So we are rushing to get all of his paperwork filed and it has been so, so stressful. So not only are we planning all of these fun things, but August 15th I'm leaving for a trip and he also has to have all of his paperwork into our immigration lawyers on time and it is very stressful and we've had the conversation of what happens if we don't get the paperwork filed on time. So it's like I'm going to go on my trip and then we might have to go to Canada, but I'm trying not to like put that out there because I'm just telling myself that everything is going to work out and it's going to be fine. We're going to get his paperwork filed, everything is going to get approved and he's going to be able to come with me out to Joshua Tree in September. So that leads me into our next thing, which is the Joshua Tree retreat is starting September 11th through the 16th.
Speaker 1:This is what I'm most excited for. I based this retreat off of what I think people got the most value out of from the shadow program that I did back in January. I know I've talked about this a million times, so like, bear with me, but I really want to focus on like developing people, developing communication skills, developing confidence, like we talk about confidence building in dog training all the time, and that's what I want to do with this retreat. So it's a fun environment like Joshua Tree is absolutely gorgeous. We're staying at a gorgeous retreat, we're going to have healthy foods and wake up as a group every morning and it's going to be very like health focused with a little emphasis on interpersonal skills in dog training. So obviously dog training is the common denominator that's kind of bringing us all together. But we're not going to be heavily focused on the like, hands-on, practical skills of dog training, as much as I want to touch on the leadership skills, the interpersonal skills that comes with being a dog trainer and being a leader in your industry, whether you're, you know, a person on social media speaking about your dog training or your experience with your dog, or you run a dog walking business or you're a dog trainer.
Speaker 1:It's not just for dog trainers, it's really, you know, professionals in this industry. The pet care industry, whether you know, dog training, walking, whatever it may be is a very like emotionally driven industry. It can be very draining if you're not doing things the right way. So obviously I have talked about my burnout before about a million and two times. I want to help you guys prevent that. And that kind of segues us into the topic of today, which is the importance of mindfulness and maintaining a calm state of mind in dog training and how it can impact our dogs.
Speaker 1:So very recently I had a private lesson with one of my clients and he is a podcast listener. So shout out, you know who you are. I'm going to throw you under the bus, just a little bit, but it's with love. He gets very stressed. So he has a reactive dog and I don't want to like downplay this dog's reactivity. It's a small dog so it doesn't seem that severe Like it's definitely manageable. However, the dog's pretty reactive, like towards other dogs, and so he just hasn't been able to work through it. He's done everything. He is like very much in the dog training world. He's doing all the things, he's watching all the videos, he's counter conditioning, like he's doing all the things. But he was just kind of missing a few pieces.
Speaker 1:So I recently did a session with them. I met them downtown and I walk up immediately. I know he's not feeling it. He said it's been tough. Today's been a hard day, right, like OK, you know, let's talk about what's going on. She's still being reactive, like he doesn't know what to do. She's super reactive, especially out around the apartment, and it's causing so much frustration for him, so much stress for him, and you can see it and you can feel it.
Speaker 1:So we walked around downtown, I grabbed the dog. We pass other dogs and you know we get a little huff, but nothing, nothing crazy. You know, reactive. I hand the leash back over to him. The dog is good. He's like what the heck? I was like your dog's making you look crazy. Huh, he's like I, it's me Like I can't. It's me, I don't know what to do. I'm done. I'm done being a dog trainer, like I can't do this anymore. I'm like it's okay, you know what? Let's schedule a session at your house so that I can really see what we're working with.
Speaker 1:They're very fortunate in that they had a friend who has a dog. That was like a big trigger for their dog. So I was like you know, have your friend, bring their dog out, we'll go for a walk, we'll encounter that dog, we'll see what happens, right? So I have him do all of the things that I do with reactive dogs in home. So before we ever even go for a walk or I cannot talk reward the dog for checking in with you. So he has the dog on a leash. Dog checks in with him. Pay, pay, good pay whenever the dog is looking and checking in at him. I like to do that before we go out because if you can grab the dog's attention in the apartment around low distractions, we have a better chance of grabbing the dog's attention out when there is a trigger. So we get out of the apartment. I have him do our directional changes. He goes into our directional changes, rewards the dog for checking into him and we start going for a walk.
Speaker 1:So what I immediately notice with the dog the dog is searching for it. The dog is ready, looking for the triggers, scanning the environment, waiting for another dog to pop out, like if another dog walks up to us. This dog is a thousand percent having a reaction because the dog is on edge. What is the dog doing? Following his lead, and I know he's doing his best job to not get stressed. But he even admitted to me he had been stressed all day leading up to our lesson and it really really showed and it really has an impact on our dogs, because there's a whole world that we don't see that our dogs do so.
Speaker 1:Toma, for example, he came from like a detection background so he had a detection job. He had a dog who would sniff out bombs and he worked at, you know, shipping facilities. He would walk the dog around the packages. The dog would alert if it smelled something, they would search it, whatever Right, but like we can't see that, we don't see what's going on with that dog Like it's wild, what they can pick up on. They can pick up on, you know, diabetes, low blood sugar. They can pick up on stress, like they can sure smell your cortisol, and it really does have a huge influence on our dog's behavior.
Speaker 1:So anyways, we worked through the lesson. We come across the dog. The dog has a big reaction, redirects on his leg. I show him how to properly correct the dog. In those moments we were missing a little bit of like proper handling on his part and it's not really his fault. Like it's tough handling a reactive dog. You know it's like stressful and you have to be quick and like proper timing is really everything. But I showed him how to do that.
Speaker 1:And then we got back to the apartment. He was defeated. I was like why are you looking so sad? Why do you look so sad Like that was such a good session? We ended the session by us like walking next to the other dog for a decent amount of time, his dog not reacting, like it was a really, really good session.
Speaker 1:And then he goes in to say that he had been stressed all day leading up to this session. He gets so stressed, taking his dog out Like they literally were just taking her out to go potty. They didn't want to walk her anymore. And I know that it's really hard for us to control. But our state of mind really, really does shape our dogs, and I know this because it's a little bit exaggerated for me, just simply because I have a house full of dogs, right? So not just with my own personal dogs, but other people's dogs.
Speaker 1:And when I am not on my A game, the dogs know and they act out. They act accordingly to how I act, and I say that all the time. Act how you want your dog to act, even if you have to fake it till you make it at first like. Try to act as calm as possible, because the thing is, most dogs don't need help getting amped up. They don't need help getting all cranked up before a walk. They don't need help getting anxious before we leave. Everything that I do in my training is to slow the dogs down and teach them calm. But I cannot teach dogs calm if I am not also calm. So back before I was a dog trainer and I had gotten Lucy. If you don't know, I had two golden retrievers and I was in grad school. Lucy was about six months old when I was in grad school. So you can imagine trying to do a biology graduate program and also have a six month old like working line, field line golden retriever.
Speaker 1:Like it was a lot. I was super stressed out. I was also getting migraines a lot at the time, which I have always gotten migraines. I get these migraines where I literally lose my vision. It's the most wild thing but it's. I've gotten them since I was like 12 and it's definitely stress related. It's definitely like high cortisol. I also get it typically, like you know, around the same time every month and it's just kind of been part of my life. But for me I am naturally a more like anxious person. I have literally been anxious since the day that I was born. I was that kid that you couldn't leave at daycare. I would have a breakdown. I carried my blanket everywhere with me. I had like an entourage of stuffed animals that I would bring everywhere with me. Like I was always just like a very anxious child and I say this to say that I have to work very, very hard at not being that way. Like I have to work very hard to just be like baseline functioning human. So when I was in grad school and I had Lucy. I was like losing my mind. I was getting migraines every single day.
Speaker 1:I went to a neurologist. They did all these scans on me, they did all these tests on me and they did like a memory test. And one of the reasons I went to the neurologist is because I was like I have shit memory, like I somebody will say something to me and five seconds later I don't remember it and it makes me feel crazy. And I went to this neurologist and he had me do this test where he gave me like 10 items and he would say like red ball or blue scissors, and I would have to go back and remember everything that he said and I could only remember like three out of the 10 that he gave me and he literally like lost it on me in that session. He was like this is absolutely ridiculous. I've never seen a person your age fail this badly. I think that you're just, you know, exaggerating, I think you're being manipulative.
Speaker 1:Like he gaslit the fuck out of me in this lesson, in this like doctor's visit, and I had waited like months to see this neurologist and apparently he was like the best in the city and you know he worked at the university. He was like this big wig neurologist and I was like I came here because my memory sucks, like I don't know, I'm not making this up, like I don't remember, and I just started crying and he was like I think you're depressed. And I was like, okay, so he ended up putting me on antidepressants and I am not like I'm not anti-medication, like I'm open to it, but that is not my first like line of action and like, yes, I have struggled with depression before, but I have handled it in different ways. And I like I started taking it and I was like I do not like this, like it was making me feel like a zombie. I did not feel like myself. I've talked about on the podcast how I am very like a high, high and low lows person and I felt like the antidepressants for me like made me lose my personality, like I felt nothing, like yeah, okay, I'm not like as anxious anymore, but it's because I literally am numb, like I don't, I don't feel anything.
Speaker 1:So I was struggling a lot at that time when I was in grad school and when I had Lucy and it definitely influenced her and I'm sure that there's like studies on this with like children as well, because you know, when children like grow up in stressful environments like, it impacts their development and I think that that is very like underrated and under observed as far as dogs go. And I saw this very clearly not just with myself when I was in school working through all of this with Lucy, but also like during COVID, when everybody was really stressed out, like the dogs were mirroring the people. So back in grad school, I was on antidepressants. I was like all right. School I was on antidepressants. I was like all right, this is not it. And I decided that I needed another way to be able to manage my stress and to be able to live with that dog. So that is when I got more into meditation. So the Headspace app really introduced me to the concept of meditation. I love that app. I think it's like such a great gateway into that world and it was really the only thing that kept me sane during that time. So one of the things that I would do is I would just go and sit in the room with Lucy and Zoe and I would have Lucy and a crate and I would just sit with my Headspace app on and we would all just sit together. And alongside that I was also kind of getting more into dog training.
Speaker 1:I was obviously struggling a lot with Lucy. She was constantly having accidents in the house. She would destroy everything. She would run away Like I basically could not have her out of the crate and like do anything. Like even if she was on leash she would like chew my couch or she ate like a cactus, and I had to take her to the vet and like it was always something and she would do it so fast. So when I say people like always supervise your dog, you know like if you're not supervising your puppy, they're definitely getting into something. Like Lucy was that a thousand percent. If I was not actively supervising her, like staring directly at her like she was doing something, she would shred a roll of toilet paper or get into the trash can or chew on the curtains, chew on like dig into the fricking carpet. Like she was just a little cracked out puppy and I should have been creating her more, but I didn't really know that at the time.
Speaker 1:So I was getting into dog training, I was getting into meditation and I found how much me getting into meditation and really like clearing my mind helped, lucy, because what happens is we get frustrated and their dogs get frustrated because they sense our frustration, and then we get more frustrated at our dogs and then they get more frustrated and we're just sitting there kind of amping each other up all the time. This leads to anxious dogs, it leads to behavioral dogs, it leads to, like unclear communication and just a slew of problems for our dogs and ourselves. So I emphasize meditation a lot because it literally saved me, like meditation actually saved me and I kind of fell off the meditation bandwagon, I would say like especially this year. But even recently, this past week, I started meditating again because my stress is just through the roof because of, you know, filing all of this paperwork and I'm terrified of, like Toma, having to leave. I finally found a person that I really like and not even like like I really love him and I don't want him to go anywhere and the thought of him having to go to Canada and not being able to like I really love him and I don't want him to go anywhere and the thought of him having to go to Canada and not being able to like come to the retreat with me or road trip with me, like it's so stressful, right, and so we're doing all of this stuff. We're cleaning up the house, getting ready to, like, hit the road, do all of these programs. We got to get his paperwork in. We got to, you know, sell some stuff in the house. I'm also telling all my clients that I'm not going to be here for the rest of the week. Like the stress, the stress is stressing and I found myself laying in bed one night like mind racing. Okay, let's get back into some meditation.
Speaker 1:Luckily, I've practiced it for years, so it's very easy for me to fall back into. But essentially what I do is I'll sit or lay down and focus on my breath. So there's different types of meditation. This type is the most helpful for me. It's what I learned how to do. It's what I've always practiced.
Speaker 1:There is a podcast called 10% Happier with Dan Harris and Dan Harris tells his story. He was a ABC newscaster and essentially he had a panic attack on live TV because he was stressed. He was like doing cocaine, like he was not sleeping, not taking care of himself, and he just had a full blown breakdown on live television. So he was like all right, something's got to change. That was kind of the trigger to get him into meditation. So I listened to his podcast for years. I went and read all of the books that he recommended on, you know, buddhism and meditation and mindfulness. I like dove headfirst into all of this research because I started seeing the benefits that meditation was, you know, giving me.
Speaker 1:So the other night I'm laying in bed, thoughts are racing, focus on my breath. Okay, so I'm laying down, close my eyes, take a deep breath in, deep breath out. I focus one thing that really helps me on the physical sensation. So I kind of picture the breath coming in through my nose, filling my lungs up, and then going back out, filling my lungs up and then going back out, back out through my nose. Lungs get smaller, air goes up out my nose and again, and we, I just kind of repeat this process and what happens is your thoughts are going to race right and your mind's going to wander, so it wanders off. You recognize that it's wandering off. Oh, back to the breath. And you just keep bringing it back to the focus of your breath. What this does is it creates some space between you and your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. They are literally just floating clouds in the sky and if you cling to one of them, it can create a lot of tension, it can create a lot of stress, but if you just, you know, watch the thought go by, you have a bit of distance between yourself and those thoughts, you're able to let it pass and not let it consume you emotionally.
Speaker 1:So, for example, I'm meditating, I think, oh my gosh, what if we don't get the paperwork done in time? What if they're not able to file it? I go down that rabbit hole of thoughts. I check, I notice, I notice where my thoughts are going. They're going into a place. That's just going to make me more anxious. So I reel myself back in. I go back to my breath Again.
Speaker 1:We repeat this process. My thoughts wander off again. Oh my gosh, I didn't write this email to send in everything today. I was supposed to do that. We go down this thought. I started to get more anxious. I realized I'm getting anxious.
Speaker 1:Oh, bring my thoughts back over to my breath. And I compare this to teaching place with dogs all the time, because it's literally the same thing when we teach a dog place, we teach them to go to place and stay in place until we release them. So our dogs have these thoughts. They have thoughts that tell them get off of place, go and jump up on the guest that's coming into the house, bark out the window. They have these impulsive thoughts that they are acting on. So if, in my meditation, I was acting on those thoughts, the thoughts that said, oh, you didn't send that email or you didn't fill out this form, I would get up and I would go and do that. But there's no reason to go and do that right now. That was just a thought and I'm not going to put action to it. I'm just going to witness the thought, notice it.
Speaker 1:Okay, let it pass by, bring myself back over to center, back over to my breath, that thing that is constant, that I can always check back in with and it helps me feel grounded, and that's all anxiety is is we're running wild with these thoughts, we're giving them too much power, we are like letting them string us along throughout our day and we're just following them all day long. And that's essentially what mindfulness is, especially to me, is not allowing the thoughts to control our actions. So in dog training, this is really all we're doing, is we're teaching our dogs to not, you know, act on these thoughts, to not act on these impulses. We talk about impulse control all the time in dog training, but we do not apply it to ourselves at all. Essentially, so while I'm in the lesson with this client, it's very visible that he is stressed right Because he's most likely going down the rabbit hole of thoughts that is, I'm never going to be able to walk my dog, we're never going to be able to do this. Like we're still having reactions, we're still doing this. It still stresses me out to take my dog out all of the things. But what's more helpful is not clinging to those thoughts, not clinging to the thoughts and running with them, because at the end of the day, it's not going to help us. Like, having those anxious thoughts is not going to make anything better. What is going to make things better? One, we put in the work and we do the things, we do the training. But two, we bring some mindfulness to ourselves so that we are truly leading by example for our dogs and you know our dogs look to us for everything, for everything.
Speaker 1:This is something that I emphasize with Toma a lot as well is, he is a little bit scared of his Malinois Hawk and it shows when he takes him out and Hawk starts getting a little a little cranked up, a little jacked up and Toma gets nervous when he takes him out and Hawk starts getting a little cranked up, a little jacked up and Toma gets nervous. And then Hawk looks at Toma, who is nervous, and then Hawk gets nervous and then Toma gets nervous because Hawk is nervous and they're just feeding off of each other. And a good example of this is, I think it was like the day after the 4th of July we were walking around the neighborhood. And it was like the day after the 4th of July we were walking around the neighborhood and he was like oh, just so, you know, like Hawk is really sensitive to like fireworks or like loud noises. And I was like OK, so I'm walking, hawk, and a firework goes off. One thing I'm very good at is not reacting, so I just continue looking forward. Hawk kind of like jumps a little bit and then looks back up at me I'm calm. So he goes, okay, okay, nothing to worry about here. And he keeps moving forward. Fireworks go off again. He looks back up at me. I'm calm, okay, okay, fireworks keep going off. He's calm, toma's like what the heck? This is crazy. He's calm. Toma's like what the heck? This is crazy. Hand the leash over to Toma. Fireworks go off. Toma looks around. Hawk looks at him looking around. What do we need to worry about? What's about to happen? Right, so they're feeding off of each other. Act how you want your dog to act.
Speaker 1:In a world where dogs are getting more and more anxious, we have to work on ourselves. We have to get some level of control over our reactivity and our state of mind if we ever want our dogs to be able to work through that, and that is one thing that I pride myself on. I am not a reactive person. I am not like an impulsive person. I remain very calm in pretty much any situation. Like. It takes a lot for me to get reactive, and that is something that I have learned from working with animals my whole life. It's a bit of who I am, just as a person, but especially as a dog trainer. If I were to run with those anxious thoughts and let them take over me, I would be left with a house full of dogs who are also feeling the same way. So we have a dog here, rosie. If you've kept up with me on social media, you've probably seen Rosie.
Speaker 1:Rosie came to me because her owner adopted her from a less than ideal situation. I don't know if it was like a hoarding situation or a puppy mill, what it was, but essentially she was just left in a pen all day and she became one of those like neurotic pacing dogs, so kind of like zookosis with like animals in zoos where they just pace and they have like neurotic repetitive behaviors. So kind of like zookosis with like animals in zoos where they just pace and they have like neurotic repetitive behaviors. That's a little bit of Rosie. She had severe separation anxiety, to the point that anytime her owner would leave the apartment she would have a fit and poop and pee on herself. Like every single time the owner said that she was like anytime she would leave the apartment she was having to come back and clean a dirty crate. And if you live in an apartment and you're having to clean out a dirty crate every day, you know that it is just the absolute worst. Like you don't even have a hose or like a backyard that you can bring to like hose the crate out, you know. So it's super stressful and essentially what was happening is Rosie is a very cute dog.
Speaker 1:She's a very well-behaved dog but she's a very clingy, insecure dog and so if you give her too much affection, you give her too much attention. There's too much of a drastic difference between her being in the crate and her being out of the crate. So, for example, if I allow her to just follow me around the house all day, when I go to put her in the crate she loses her absolute mind because it's so different for her than being able to follow me around and sit on my feet and get affection whenever she wants. So she's a dog that is constantly like begging for affection. She will jump up, she expects you to pet her. She'll come and sit and be super cute. She knows what she's doing Like she knows how to be cute to get attention.
Speaker 1:And so her owners were really at a loss, like they didn't know what to do. They were doing all the things, like you know, doing all the positive reinforcement they could to try to make the crate a good space and give her all the things, but it just wasn't working for her. So I had Rosie with us. She did not have one accident and normally when I get a dog that, like the owner, is like they're a dirty dog, right. Like dirty I mean in like a dog is willing to like poop and pee in the crate or on themselves. That's what I call like a dirty dog. Um, when I have a dirty dog like, or people say that the dog is dirty, we always prepare ourselves. We're like ah, here we go, we're about to get like a dog that we're going to have to clean out the crate every day. Like we were ready.
Speaker 1:Rosie had no accidents, and the reason why I think that happened is because our relationship one, wasn't structured around affection. I think because Rosie came from a less than ideal situation, some of that guilt from the owner was rubbing off on her right Like we want to give her the best life because she had a horrible, traumatizing upbringing. So we're like oh my God, I'm going to give you everything, I'm going to give you affection. I feel bad for you. They were letting her like drag everywhere on the walk. So she was the one making all the decisions, but she was making these decisions from like an anxious place, like it wasn't coming from, a place of like, oh, I'm confident, just exploring. It was like oh, I'm running away, but like I don't really know where I'm running away to, like when we did the drop off, she would like run up to like the neighbor's house or like run into somebody's yard and like her owner was just like following her and I was like okay, like come back over here, come this way.
Speaker 1:So Rosie was just in this super anxious state of mind and her owners were also anxious, right, because when you have a dog that freaks out every single time you leave, like it's going to make you anxious, so then you become anxious to leave and then the dog senses that you're anxious when you leave, and then they get anxious and you come back anxious and the dog is anxious, and it's just this cycle of us feeding off of each other and the only way to break that cycle is to show up calmly and confidently for the dog. So that's what I did with Rosie. I did not, you know, structure our relationship around affection. I structured our relationship around routine, structure, boundaries and training. So when she came to us we would take her out frequently to make sure that we would avoid any accidents. But we got into a routine of you go outside, we do things, you come inside, you immediately go into the crate. You are never allowed to follow me around.
Speaker 1:I do not get anxious when I leave the house. I simply leave the house, I don't say anything. I come back in, I don't say anything, I do my things, make myself some coffee, make food. Then I'll go and take the dogs out. But because her owners were so anxious with her, I feel like they were just feeding off of each other, and so the only way for us to break that cycle was for me to show up confidently with Rosie and say, hey, I know you're anxious, but I'm going to give you lots of structure and rules to make it very clear what the expectations are for you and to also show her I got this. I am not anxious. I am not going to get anxious leaving my own house because of you.
Speaker 1:Right, and it seems kind of like tough love, especially when we do have a really anxious, nervous dog. Like if you're an anxious, nervous person, that's not really how you want to be approached, but truly like I think it's necessary, like it's necessary for someone to step in and say, hey, like you got to cut this out. There's literally no reason for you to be anxious, because if you're anxious and I have another like, let's say, friend, come up to me as like, oh my gosh, I'm so, like, I'm so sorry, like how can I help you? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right, like it's not really going to help, like what you need in those moments is somebody who is calm. Like calm energy has such an influence on the people around you and, like I said, I noticed that because it's so exaggerated with me, like if I am not calm, it's amplified in the 10 dogs that are in our house at all times. Right, like we will wake up some days and you know, me and Toma have been stressed recently we're not feeling it every day and we walk into that dog room and those dogs know they can smell cancer, they can smell diabetes, like they can smell all of this stuff. You think that they can't smell you being stressed out? You think that they can't smell you being stressed out. They, a thousand percent can. So, in order for us to work through these behavioral issues with our dogs, whether it be anxiety or fearfulness or reactivity, we got to check in with ourselves and we got to implement some exercises with ourselves to, you know, be able to show up more calmly and more confidently.
Speaker 1:So when I did the lesson with the reactive dog. One of the things that I mentioned to Toma and our videographer as we were leaving is I said you know what? I think that session was way more for him than it was for the dog. Like yes, it was good for the dog to be able to be held accountable for being reactive and like redirecting. Like the dog bit his leg and then the dog tried to like bite my leg and I corrected her and you can tell that she's never had like a properly timed correction before, because I corrected her and she was like, oh shit, okay, I'm not going to bite her. Like I'm going to think twice before I go to be reactive and redirect and like that's what we want. Like that's the whole point of like correcting a dog. I don't just correct a dog for the fun of it. Like I do it because I want them to, you know, think before they act on those impulses and it's one of the ways that we can disrupt that.
Speaker 1:But the lesson was, I feel like, just as much for the owner, because he got to see himself walking his dog next to a dog that they typically had reactions with. So in his mind, like his dog is always reactive around this dog. Or like they have poodles in their apartment complex and he's like, oh, there's the poodle right. Like the poodle walks past the window and he's like, oh, there's the poodle and I'm like you're literally your dog, if your dog could talk. Like you have to stop reacting. You have to stop reacting to when you see a dog and it's hard, like it is so, so hard.
Speaker 1:But I think it's only fair that we put in that hard work with ourselves if we're trying to address it in our dogs. Like how is that fair to ask a dog to not be reactive if we're not willing to sit with ourselves and be like, hey, you know, I am going to work on being more mindful and more intentional about how I show up in my day-to-day around my dog, or like not saying things when I see another dog, or not tensing up when I see another dog and, you know, really intentionally trying to be calm and confident. I think it's only fair to our dogs that we spend just as much time, if not more, our dogs, that we spend just as much time, if not more, working on ourselves so that we can help our dogs overcome these things. Because at the end of the day. Most dogs with behavioral issues need leaders. They're completely lacking leadership and so they're left to their own vices. Right, they're left to their own devices and they're not making great decisions because they're in a stressed out state of mind and they're making decisions from that state of mind. So we have to address how we influence our dogs and, like Rosie for example, she's back with us, she's boarding.
Speaker 1:I showed up to pick her up yesterday and her owner is so, so cute. I love her, she's great, she walks out and she just looks stressed. I said how are you feeling? She goes? Oh man, yesterday was tough, yesterday was so tough and I was like, well, what happened? So she let her other dog out first, so she left the apartment with her other dog and left Rosie in the apartment. In the morning Rosie lost it, completely lost. It had an accident in the crate. She comes back, she, you know, puts Rosie in another crate to take, because I gave her a rough land. So she takes the rough land downstairs or like to the car wash to hose it out, and then she comes back and Rosie had pooped and peed on herself again because she also left the apartment and one of the things that I gave her was a bark collar.
Speaker 1:I personally do not have a bark collar on Rosie with me because she just doesn't react that way with me because our relationship started off so differently than her relationship with her owner and I'm also like very intentional about how I show up with Rosie. So this is kind of a conversation that I've had with her owner. Briefly is like you gotta, like you gotta not baby her, you gotta be like a little bit bossy with her, like you gotta be firm with her, you need to be calm and confident. But that's all Rosie knows with me. She doesn't know that with her owner. So she's quicker to get back into that anxious state of mind whenever her owner leaves. So one of the things that I give her is a bark collar because what it does is it disrupts that anxious state of mind before she gets to the place where she's working herself up a lot. So with dogs that are super anxious in the crate, the bark collar can be a great tool to disrupt that anxiousness before it escalates even further to the point where the dog is hurting themselves or they're pooping and peeing on themselves. So Rosie would do great with a bark collar.
Speaker 1:But when she didn't have the bark collar on is when we were having issues. So I show up to pick her up. Yesterday the owner is obviously very stressed. Like it sucks when you send your dog away to training and then you come back and she's still had an accident. When you know she literally had no accidents with me and she's here with me right now, like she does not fuss or bark in the crate at all, even when we leave, like she's very, very calm.
Speaker 1:And you know, one of the things that I really want to emphasize with her is you got to be as calm as possible and it's tough, like it's a tough conversation to have with people, but I think it's an important one, because I think it's unfair to our dogs to ask them to be a certain way when we don't address their owners in the same way. Right, and our dogs are really like a product of their environment and this is like a, you know, taboo conversation to have, but it's just, it's simply the case, right? If I were a very anxious person, it would be more likely that my dog would be anxious, more likely that my dog would be anxious. And of course dogs are, you know, like they have genetics, they have a lot of other factors that play into their state of being, but you spend the most time with your dog. You are the most important influential factor in retraining your dog's state of mind and it's genuinely very unfair for our dogs if we are unwilling to work on ourselves and unwilling to address our state of being and just expect our dogs to change without us changing and just expect our dogs to change without us changing. So I hope that leaves you with a little motivation to go out there and do some research on how you can show up as your best self for your dog.
Speaker 1:But I think a great place if you haven't already explored it is meditation, and this is just speaking from a place that has genuinely saved me and it's a tool that I keep in my toolbox that I can continue to use when I need it. And it's one of those things that when you practice meditation, when you're not stressed, you're able to use it in the moments when you are stressed. Just like in dog training, we build up all of these skills. We build up obedience training and leash walking and engagement so that we can use it in the moments where there is a trigger or there is, you know a new situation or a stressful situation that we want to work our dogs through. We work on those skills you know in low trigger environments so that we can use it in those moments, and it's the same thing for you. So build up some skills, some stress management skills within yourself that you can use in the moments when you are stressed or life is getting a little bit wild and you need to fall back on those tools and skills that you have. It would be a lot more difficult for me to jump into meditation now if I hadn't practiced it before, but because I've built up the skill and know how to fall back into my meditating routine, I'm able to use it now while I'm stressed and we've got a million things we have to do and we've got deadlines to meet and we've got all of this stuff. But because I have that tool in my back pocket, I know I can use it in these moments to be able to control my state of mind and control my well-being, so that I can show up for my owners and for my clients. And this is the kind of stuff that I'm going to talk with you all in the retreat. This is the stuff that I think is the most influential in how we can be successful successful in training dogs, successful in training owners and running a successful business. So I'll leave you there but some great resources that have helped me in the past with this sort of stuff. That have helped me in the past with this sort of stuff.
Speaker 1:Like I said, headspace was really my entry into meditation and they don't get too much into. You know the background of meditation, but one of my favorite podcasts to listen to has been the 10% Happier podcast, and I don't necessarily listen to it too much anymore, but it was. I think. I listened to it straight three years. It genuinely shaped who I am today and gave me so many books that have changed my life. It has sent me so many other people that have changed my life. I got very into, you know like, buddhism, the practice of Buddhism, and it, I'm going to say like, genuinely saved me. So if you want to learn more, those are some great resources and the 10% Happier podcast has a lot of resources on books that you can also read or listen to and audio books that will help you build the skills that you need for proper stress management so that you can show up as your best self.
Speaker 1:So if all of this sounds really interesting and fun for you and you want to dive more into it outside of, you know, listening to the podcast, come and join us in Joshua Tree in September. I would love to see you there. I'll include the link as well in the show notes to schedule an interview with your girl, to chat and make sure that it's a good fit for you. But these are the kind of things that we're going to chat about at the retreat and we're going to hang out and get to meet other people who are like-minded and just want to better themselves for the dogs and the community around them. So I will leave y'all there. Go meditate, take a few deep breaths for yourself today so you can show up as you know, the best trainer, the best owner, the best coach, whatever it is that you do just your best self. Thank you so much for being here, guys, and I'll see you next week. Thank you.